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Question #1 for November:
Question #2 for November:
Question #3 for November:
Question #1 for November:
----- Original Message ----- What does the word Desiderata mean? Alice Answers:
-----Original Message----- Greetings, Desiderata is a plural form of the Latin word Desideratum which means to desire, that which is desired; that which is needed and wanted. I think that the Desiderata, which you must have found on the front page of my website is a wonderful compilation of wisdoms which cover many aspects, phases, and ages of human life and development, that's why I chose it. :o) How did you find my site, just curious. Thanks for your question. Alice
To: "'Alice Edwards'" <Alice@aliceanswers.com> I was surfing for a site that would give me the definition. I have so loved that message for such a long time and wanted to share it with a close friend. Just wanted to be sure of it's definition and you have provided me with that. Thank you very much.
Question #2 for November:
----- Original Message ----- Hi Alice , I am a 17 years old and I just found out that I am pregnant . I dont know what to do on how to tell my mom , my boy friend is still here by my side after I told him and he says that he will never leave my side no matter what ..... but my mom does not like him . He said he would tell her for me so I would not have to tell her and go through her emotional abuse that she has always done to me . My mom all of my life has never givin me the love that I needed so i have had to search for it else where cause is hurt when your mom comes home and talks to the animals and not you or talks to them like she loves them and she always yells at me . The other times I have told her some thing realy important like the time that I had had sex for the first time but for all the wrong reasons I was confused and didnt know what to do I went to her and told her my feelings and she said that that was only between us and she went and told 4 of her friends then they called me and told me how could you do that to your mother , you know how much hurt you are putting her through and so on I thought i could trust her but I cant ! I just dont know what to do ! I have some where to go my boy friend said i could move in with him but that just wont be the same as in having my room my home my bed the foods that I like and so on ..... I hope that you can help me cause I realy need some thing to do for my self other that what i have thought of which is running away and having my baby cause I am totaly pro-life and then calling her and telling her that I had a baby . Cause even though she would except this the whole world would know by her and she would make it to where ever one hated me for what I have done to her but what about what I am going through i just dont know any more please help me find out what I am gonna do PLEASE ! I wish that I had a real mom that would listin to me and undestand me cause my mom is never home she is always at work she leaves in the morning and doesnt get here till night so i see her 2 hours of the day and on weekend we argue all the time so I stay in my room ! Well I hope that you could please help me out please .. Alice Answers:
From: "Alice Edwards" <Alice@AliceAnswers.com> Dear (name removed), The first issue that must be dealt with is your pregnancy. I applaud you for your pro-life perspective, I think that you are a wise young lady. A few things concern me that I would like for you to give some serious thought to, I will list them and then address each one individually. 1. What is the best thing for the baby? 2. That you learn from your apparent history. 3. Are you ready to make the necessary adjustments that appropriate mothering requires. 4. Your relationship with your Mom. 1. The best and most ideal thing for your baby (or anyone's baby) has to be your main concern. This means a stable, secure home with a Mommy and a Daddy. Two loving adults who can provide the child with the love, nurturance, consistency, and financial security that is necessary for growth and development that will lead the child toward eventual autonomy and self actualization. 2. If I understand your situation correctly, you do not have a Dad in the home, and may never have, this has had an impact on you whether you want to believe it or not. Moms and Dads bring unique qualities to the raising of children which gives the child a sense of balance. I want you to look at that very carefully. Given your age and history, the odds of your relationship with your boyfriend working out on the long term are slim at best, and long term is what your child needs. History will eventually repeat itself and your child will gain the same history you have now, emotional deprivation, sadness and a life of pain. Perhaps you've made some mistakes, but these seem to me to stem from emotional need on your part, not stupidity. You need to think very carefully and clearly about what you want from the rest of your life, and what you need. Do you want to struggle to make ends meet, never be able to have the life you dreamed of or give it to your child. Would you like to finish your education and establish a satisfying career which would provide the financial stability you require? 3. From what I hear you saying, I'm concerned that you are clearly not ready to be a mother, either emotionally, intellectually, or situationally. You say you want your own room, the foods you like, all the comforts of home and your baby too. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Parenthood is filled with sacrifices, the child's needs must come first and everything else is secondary. This includes our hopes, dreams, and goals. You are looking at a full time life long commitment. I have a 28 year old with a child of her own, and I am still her mommy, when she hurts, I hurt, when she has problems, I am there to help in any way I can, it never ends. 4. It is clear to me that you have had quite a bit of communication difficulty with your Mom, which has caused your relationship to take some negative turns, that's too bad. You haven't mentioned your Dad, so I'm assuming he is not on the scene. Perhaps if he were, you would have a more balanced perspective, and your Mom would have someone to talk about family problems with rather than her friends. Have you ever considered asking her to go with you to counseling? It just sounds like both of you have some issues that you need ongoing professional help with. I think it would be beneficial to each of you individually and for your relationship. Frequently young women will intentionally but subconsciously get pregnant because they want someone to love who will unconditionally love them back. The basic thing that I believe all children want is to feel that they belong, and to be loved and nurtured no matter what mistakes they may make. This is what I hear you are wanting from your Mom, but feel you have never received. As a Mom, I can tell you that moms generally want their children to grow up with relatively little difficulty and become well adjusted, self sufficient, responsible adults. My best advice to you is to talk with your mother about getting professional help for the two of you. Give the baby up for adoption so that it can have the stability and the life chances it deserves. Then get yourself back in school and become a productive contribution to society. If you are unwilling to give the baby up for adoption, then I suggest that you and your boyfriend get married immediately and begin taking on the adult responsibilities that you toyed with when you began having sex. I don't like to seem harsh, but these are serious life issues we are discussing here, I don't think they get more serious than this and we must deal with them very soberly. Sincerely, Alice
Question #3 for November:
----- Original Message ----- Alice, I ran into your page by pure chance, and decided I had nothing to lose so I am asking. Unlike the previous writers who sound educated and full of nickel and dime pretentious words, meaning of life searchers, I am just a Elvis loving car mechanic base in Huntsville Alabama. And make no mistake, I may have no degree but I know the meaning of life. My question is straight forward: Me and my girl, let's call her Shennna, got a dog a the pound. Well, she now decides it is time to move to another state. Now I either move with her and lose my shop or stay and lose the dog. Why should she be the one to keep the dog?
in a moment of quiet dispair, Alice Answers:
From: "Alice Edwards" <Alice@AliceAnswers.com> Dear (name removed), I am a bit puzzled by your statement that it comes down to losing the dog or your shop. What about your relationship with your girlfriend, you don't seem the least bit concerned about losing her. Do you want to continue your relationship with her? Does she want you to move to this other state with her? Could it be that this is her way of ending the relationship without having to take responsibility for actually ending it? She might figure that you would never leave your successful shop and would not to move to another state. I think you need to have a talk with your girlfriend about these issues. It seems to me that your relationship with her and your financial security should come before the dog. I don't know how long you two had the dog, or what agreement you may have regarding its custody, and I'm sure that you are attached to it. Personally, I think you should keep your shop and go to the pound and get yourself another dog that would be all yours' if she moves away and takes that dog. I am sorry that I cannot offer any more insight than this. I hope it helps you to more clearly process your thoughts and feelings. I welcome your follow-up questions regarding this or other issues. Sincerely, Alice
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Last updated on December 1, 2001. AliceAnswers and AliceAnswers.com are trademarks of Alice M. Edwards. In addition, the entire contents of this site are copyright (c) 2001 by Alice M. Edwards unless otherwise noted; and can not be used, except for review purposes, without the written permission of Alice M. Edwards |