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Question #1 for June:
Question #1 for June: ----- Original Message -----
From: I really like my boyfriend. He is special to me. I've known him for about four years and about four months ago we started dating. He would joke around about having sex because he knew that I was a virgin. I finally decided to give him some after two months. We were real good friends before we dated and we talked about everything from his girlfriends to his own personal problems. Just recently he kinda stopped talking to me. He's always busy now and when I do see him he wants to have sex. I'm happy with the sex but I want to talk sometimes too. I told him I miss my friend and he said that things have been hectic because it's final's week. There is always an excuse. I also thinks that he's cheating on me. He's had a history of doing that; like I said he talked to me about everything. How should I handle the situation? Alice Answers:
From: Alice Hi _____, From what you said, it sounds to me like you already know the answer, but you want it confirmed. It also sounds like you knew the potential for this happening prior to having had sex with him, at least subconsciously, because you knew he had a history of womanizing before. Here's the thing: although I don't advocate having sex prior to marriage, I am still realistic and I know it happens. If you had been friends with him, and he told you everything about himself, and he had been a truly good guy who never did anything like cheating it would seem a more reasonable progression to have had sex with him. But the reality is that you had been friends with him, and he told you everything about himself, and he had been a user and a cheat, and on some level you knew this about him, and therefore it doesn't seem reasonable to have had sex with him. There is no basis to think that he would treat you any differently than he had treated other women. I am sorry that he has done this to you, you sound like you feel you're another notch on his belt, and I know that hurts. Remember these things: in relationships we teach people how to treat us, they cannot do to us what we do not invite or allow, it is better to be alone with your dignity and self respect intact, and always, always put your ability to think ahead of satisfying your emotional needs, do not allow a desire to be loved to control your decision making process. I think you know you have to end this relationship because it is destructive for you on many levels. I applaud and commend you for the clear thinking you have done already, and invite you to hold your head high and move forward and don't allow another man to treat you this way. I hope this helps and I invite you to email me again if I can be of further help. Sincerely, Alice |
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Last updated on June 10, 2003. AliceAnswers is a Registered Service Mark of Alice M. Edwards. In addition, the entire contents of this site are copyright (c) 2000-2003 by Alice M. Edwards unless otherwise noted; and can not be used, except for review purposes, without the written permission of Alice M. Edwards |