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Question #1 for November:
Question #2 for November:
Question #1 for November: ----- Original Message -----
From: alice: yea i really like my ex boyfried! he means a-lot to me but he hit the locker next to my face and now everyone is worried. but i really like him and they are tryin to keep me away from him but i want to be with him! it's my life and i'm not afraid of him and i know he won't hurt me..... i love him. help me annoymous Alice Answers: Dear Anonymous, I have to agree with your friends, I am worried about you too, and I don't even know you. Sometimes it is easier for an onlooker to see what is really happening than one who is in the middle of a situation. I don't know what your relationship was like, how long you were involved, who ended the relationship, or how old you are, so, it is a little difficult to evaluate your situation. I can tell you my opinions of a few things however that you probably won't want to hear, but I believe that in a situation like this, it is my responsibility to do so and to be totally if not brutally honest, so please hear me out. If your ex-boyfriend hits things in anger, he likely has an anger management problem, which will probably get worse over time. If he hits or threatens to hit women, he really should get help from a professional immediately. If you value yourself so little as to involve yourself with someone who will treat you badly in any form, either verbally, physically, emotionally, or psychologically, then you also need to get help. In my opinion, a woman who defends a man who exhibits violent behaviors against her is a danger to herself, she is usually emotionally needy, insecure, seeks to be loved and cared for, however badly at whatever cost and she should get away from him and get professional help immediately. My wish for you is that you would come to see your own worth and value as a human being separate from him or anyone else. This requires time, education, and introspection. Please take the time and effort to invest that much in yourself, it will bring you years of fulfillment beyond your wildest dreams. I hope this helps, I would like to hear from you again. I would be interested to know your age, his age, and all the other things I mentioned that I do not know if you wouldn't mind telling those things to me. Take care, Alice
Question #2 for November
----- Original Message ----- Alice, I would like to say that I think your site is great. But here is my problem. I just recently began to feel something for my ex again. We broke up about 6 months ago because I was having doubts about getting too serious after only going out for about 7 months. He was looking for engagement rings and wanting to move in together. Because I have a child already, I didn't want to rush into things. So I broke it off. I never stopped loving him. But I must say that I did stop contacting him for sometime. Now that I know he has this shore house less than 2 miles away from my house, and that I will be moving to Florida in about 5 months I would like to see him again. I want to confess to him how much I truly love him and want him back in my life. I know he still cares, and I also know that I hurt him. But I am only asking for a second chance in this relationship. Granted, it wasn't the best of times all the time, but for the most part it was great. He treated me like gold, I was just the one with cold feet. Now it seems like he just wants to party and get drunk every night. And I am worried about him. He calls me sometimes all drunk and says he wants to see me, but then never comes through with it. Its almost like he is playing hard to get, and he knows how much I hate playing games. Should I chase him? Should I even waste my time. I am already at the stage of where I can't eat, sleep, be happy anymore no matter what I do. I have talked to all my friends, I they keep telling me to leave him alone. I guess I am looking for a different answer. Can you help? Thanks. Alice Answers: Thank you, I am glad you like my website. I am a bit unclear about your move to Florida, does that mean that you will then be near him, or moving away from him when you go to Florida. It sounds like you had a good gut instinct about not rushing into marriage, and since you have a child, you should proceed with extreme caution in any decision making for long term events. His getting drunk and playing games can mean one of two things that come to mind right away: 1. perhaps he is now showing his true colors, and this is the way he deals with life's difficulties, or 2. perhaps he is very insecure and immature and needs to get some help learning to deal with these issues. No, you should not chase him or play stupid games with him. You sound like an intelligent articulate woman and you already know the answer, you must not let your emotions run amok and take control or your rational sense. Life is difficult enough without adding unnecessary hardships, and you have a child to be concerned with. I am sorry that I cannot tell you what you want to hear, I think your friends are probably right and I must agree with them. Remember that it is not what happens to us in life, but how we deal with it and the choices we make that defines us. Good luck to you, and please clarify anything that I may have misread. I look forward to hearing from you and would welcome any other questions you may have. Sincerely, Alice |
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Last updated on November 23, 2003. AliceAnswers is a Registered Service Mark of Alice M. Edwards. In addition, the entire contents of this site are copyright (c) 2000-2003 by Alice M. Edwards unless otherwise noted; and can not be used, except for review purposes, without the written permission of Alice M. Edwards |